Restaurant table manners

Eating out a lot as I do plus having been bought up by my mega-anal mother (born in 1926) and grandmother (born in 1896) in regard to etiquette and manners, I have noticed over the years the erosion of manners in general, and table etiquette in particular.

Watching one of my granddaughters eating her Lamb Shanks at Café Mojo the other day prompted the traditional grannies criticism of her “style” (or lack thereof) in tackling this already-hard-to-eat meal.

When people hold their knife like a pen or biro, and the fork as if it were an instrument of torture it seems to me to make it nearly impossible to tidily and successfully eat such a dish in public.

In restaurants these days nothing is guaranteed to give me the shits more than when, after arriving, you’ve been seated at your table and the waitperson goes round the table to everyone: individually taking your serviette, unfolding it and placing it on your lap.

According to my grandmother, it is extremely bad manners to do two of those things.
Firstly, to take your serviette from the table until your food is in front of you is extremely bad manners. It is tantamount to banging the table with your knife and fork impatiently, and repeatedly singing “Why are we waiting”! When the food arrives, you should take up your serviette, unfold it and place it on your lap.

For someone else to touch an article which will ultimately be used to wipe your mouth (this saving the back of your hand from doing the job) is also not on. Ideally, if waitpeople feel they must do the serviette thing, they should pick up the serviette by one of the corners, using their thumb and forefinger, and place it, without touching any part of it except that tiny edge bit between your thumb and finger, carefully on your lap in a roughly triangular shape. It’s a hygiene issue guys. I for one don’t want someone shaping my serviette to their requirements, during the course of which they’ve managed to transmit any number of germs onto the serviette which will be used for delicately and genteel-ly dabbing my mouth with!

I Googled ‘etiquette’ on the net and thanks to projectbritain.com, have found the following:

The British generally pay a lot of attention to good table manners. Even young children are expected to eat properly with knife and fork.
We eat most of our food with cutlery. The foods we don't eat with a knife, fork or spoon include sandwiches, crisps, corn on the cob, and fruit.

Things you should do:
If you cannot eat a certain type of food or have some special needs, tell your host several days before the dinner party.
If you are a guest, it is polite to wait until your host starts eating or indicates you should do so. It shows consideration.
Always chew and swallow all the food in your mouth before taking more or taking a drink.
You may eat chicken and pizza with your fingers if you are at a barbecue, finger buffet or very informal setting. Otherwise always use a knife and fork.
Always say thank you when served something. It shows appreciation.
When eating rolls, break off a piece of bread before buttering. Eating it whole looks tacky.
On formal dining occasions it is good manners to take some butter from the butter dish with your bread knife and put it on your side plate (for the roll). Then butter pieces of the roll using this butter. This prevents the butter in the dish getting full of bread crumbs as it is passed around.
When you have finished eating, and to let others know that you have,
place your knife and folk together, with the prongs (tines) on the fork facing upwards, on your plate.
In a restaurant, it is normal to pay for your food by putting your money on the plate the bill comes on.

Things you should not do:
Never lick or put your knife in your mouth.
It is impolite to start eating before everyone has been served unless your host says that you don't need to wait.
Never chew with your mouth open. No one wants to see food being chewed or hearing it being chomped on.
It is impolite to have your elbows on the table while you are eating.
Don't reach over someone's plate for something, ask for the item to be passed.
Never talk with food in your mouth.
It is impolite to put too much food in your mouth.
Never use your fingers to push food onto your spoon or fork.
It is impolite to slurp your food or eat noisily.
Never blow your nose on a napkin (serviette). Napkins are for dabbing your lips and only for that.
Never take food from your neighbours plate.
Never pick food out of your teeth with your fingernails.

Things that are ok to do:
It is ok to pour your own drink when eating with other people, but it is more polite to offer pouring drinks to the people sitting on either side of you.
It is ok to put milk and sugar in your tea and coffee or to drink them both without either.

I am not used to eating with a knife and fork. What do I need to know?
We eat continental style, with fork in the left hand and the knife in the right (or the other way round if you are left handed). At the top of your plate will be a dessert spoon and dessert fork.
If you are eating at a formal dinner party, you will come across many knives and forks. Start with the utensils on the outside and work your way inward with each subsequent course
How to eat with a knife and fork in England
The fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right.
If you have a knife in one hand, it is wrong to have a fork in the other with the prongs (tines) pointed up.
Hold your knife with the handle in your palm and your folk in the other hand with the prongs pointing downwards.

When eating in formal situations, rest the fork and knife on the plate between mouthfuls, or for a break for conversation.
If you put your knife down, you can turn your fork over. It's correct to change hands when you do this, too, so if you are right handed you would switch and eat with the fork in your right hand.

If it is your sole eating instrument, the fork should be held with the handle between the index finger and the thumb and resting on the side of your middle finger.

How to eat Soup
When eating soup, tip the bowl away from you and scoop the soup up with your spoon.
Soup should always be taken (without slurping of course) from the side of the spoon, and not from the 'end' as in most of the rest of Europe.

How to eat peas
To be very polite, peas should be crushed onto the fork - a fork with the prongs pointing down. The best way is to load the fork with something to which they will stick, such as potato or a soft vegetable that squashes easily onto the fork. It's sometimes easier to put down your knife and then switch your fork to the other hand, so you can shovel the peas against something else on the plate, thus ensuring they end up on your fork.

How to eat pudding (desserts)
To eat dessert, break the dessert with the spoon, one bite at a time. Push the food with the fork (optional) into the spoon. Eat from the spoon. (Fork in left hand; spoon in right.)

How to use a napkin or serviette
The golden rule is that a napkin should never be used to blow your nose on. This is a definite no-no. Napkins should be placed across the lap - tucking them into your clothing may be considered 'common'.

What do you say or do if you've accidentally taken too much food and you cannot possibly eat it all?
Say:
"I'm sorry, but it seems that 'my eyes are bigger than my stomach'.
or
"I'm sorry. It was so delicious but I am full".
The main thing is not to offend your host.